Travel Trade Crusade 2013 - Day Four, Sunday 14th July

Day four, officially the third and last of the crusade. Today is the fancy dress day – oh dear! We have brought with us Batman & Robin outfits, out of the Christmas episode of Only Fools & Horses one year. They only arrived the day before we left, so they are still in the bags without us having tried them on. Bad planning. Due to the sizing, I had to be Robin and Paul was Batman – even that kept popping open because it was a bit tight. No chance to get a bigger size now! We checked out of the hotel in full regalia without the receptionist even raising an eyebrow. Perhaps she had seen it all before – about ten minutes or so! We met a court jester and the grim reaper in reception – good job I didn’t meet him before I went on the Nurburgring! We loaded the car up and made our way to the car park we were meeting up in, just beside the river. Koblenz looked a beautiful town – such as shame we were in and out so quickly. Everyone was really pumping this morning – not one person was not in fancy dress. It looked amazing. The Disco Taxi had the PA playing at full blast – we had quite a crowd of onlookers. We also found out later that the Aston Martin had parked here overnight, and had got a lovely yellow parking ticket! We were 27 teams this morning, but only 26 cars. The Chavtastic’s Subaru was definitely being left to be scrapped. The guys from Avis had helped them out with a hire car, so at least they can still take part. After our instructions for the day, we all had to do a little crazy dancing (for the DVD I presume) led by a wallaby and a crocodile. After the frivolities, and the locals had taken umpteen pictures, we all started off. Three routes to get to Amsterdam – the boring motorway, the picturesque country route or the route by the river. We opted for the route by the river, as this was one of the challenges. Have your picture taken by some picturesque water. We found a place to pull up in, and had to find someone to take our photograph. After everyone had finished taken photographs of their own, we got one with our camera. It seems Batman & Robin are well known in Germany as well! We would our way towards firstly Bonn, then Cologne, Rees, Arnheim, Utrecht and then Amsterdam. The amount of people that slowly went past, waved, pipped and took photographs was amazing. Obviously Batman & Robin don’t often take that route. We had to fill up with petrol. Paul went in to pay, the attendant looked up, did a double take, and then asked if ours was the Batmobile. Ha! We went out of Germany and into Holland – and it seemed as if we had come into the back of a little village. We went from a main road, to a one lane track for a while. Couldn’t be a popular crossing point here then. We then picked up some bigger roads, and soon made our way to the outskirts of Amsterdam. Well on time! But we hadn’t arrived yet!! As soon as we hit Amsterdam the traffic started to build up. Nothing too bad, and really glad Mrs TomTom was telling us the way to the hotel. It looked a bit like a maze. We passed about a million people on bicycles, with another million bicycles locked up unattended. It really is a cycling city. We made our way, almost uneventfully, to the road where the hotel was situated. We amused most of the people waiting to cross the roads, and even waved quite regally when they pointed a camera at us. Felt a bit like the queen – but in a comedy sort of way. The hotel was on the opposite side of the road to where we were going, so Mrs TomTom told us to do a U turn. Not too bad, I managed to squeeze round without upsetting too many people – only to find that the road where the reception is situated is pedestrian only. “Can’t go up there” says a chap (how did he know we were English?) so we headed off to turn around and find another way in. Easier said than done. When we got to the top we had to turn right, and then there was no more right turns. A tram had broken down in the middle of the main road, and there was absolute bedlam. I just kept going, and ended up giving Paul a very scenic tour of Amsterdam – free of charge! We eventually found ourselves heading back in the correct direction – only to find we were now behind the broken down tram, and all the other trams were being redirected around us. All of the traffic after us had been turned around and sent I know not where – and the trams were missing our back wing by about half an inch. We sat there for about half an hour – and were the cabaret for all those on the buses that were going up beside us in the bus lane. Oh to be famous – even for half a day! Just have to wear red pants over your tights! We eventually came past the hotel again, and there was stationery traffic so we tried another road. Wrong again! Round we went again, and eventually bumped over the kerb in the middle of the road, went up the tram lane, and did a U turn into a car park that was not too far from the hotel. I expected Mrs TomTom to say “That’s the third time I have directed you to where you wanted to go, and you still haven’t got there!”. But she didn’t – we parked, and then even caped crusaders have to carry their own bags up the car park steps and the quarter of a mile walk to get to their room. We then amused all the people sitting outside having a beer in the afternoon. Just wave and smile nicely! The receptionist couldn’t find a reservation for Batman & Robin, so he gave us the Keevil’s room instead. The chap next to him asked us to remove our face masks if we went into the club room in case we frightened any of the guests. I think we had had enough of wearing them for one day, but what a cheek! A nice glass of wine was in order – minus the red knickers – before setting off for the DoubleTree Hilton for the end of rally festivities. Whilst all the points were being counted up, we enjoyed complimentary drinks. When the prize giving ceremonies started, the tension was mounting, Would it be the Green Ladies or the Kuoni Crusaders, or would someone else have nipped in? The prize for the best challenge of the day went to the Kuoni Crusaders for Day One, The Green Ladies for Day Two, and Team Rylan (yes, there was someone dressed as Rylan) for Day Three. The Best Car was awarded to Pussy Patrol for their lovely cat car. The Best Team was awarded to the Holy Rollers (Priests & Nuns) even though one of their cars didn’t make it to Amsterdam today. The disco taxi also didn't make it to Amsterdam, and was currently on a low loader making its way back to the UK. 27 teams started, 24 teams finished! The Green Ladies came out on top, deservedly so. ArtAV that had being doing the filming throughout had put together and edited a film that was shown at the end – what a lovely momento. I do hope we can get a link to it, so you can see for yourselves how much effort some teams went to. The Grand Total raised for charity as of this evening was just over £40,000 between us all. What an achievement for Sarah and Nick – who I think will now be pressured to put the event on all over again next year!

Travel Trade Crusade 2013 - Day Three, Saturday 13th July

Day three, but officially day two of the rally. Another early morning - but with a difference. We had to leave the car in a public car park, but when we left the hotel there seemed to have sprung a market somewhere between us and the car. It didn't take too long to find - we knew the general direction. We had to all meet this morning in the car park of Lidl - at some point on the outskirts of Metz. Good old Mrs TomTom took us almost straight there. The regular customers of Lidl on a Saturday morning didn't know what had hit them. We had little groups that were going round looking at each car as if they were at a car boot sale. There were some late comers - some couldn't find it, and some, I think, didn't get in until 5am this morning so were feeling a little worse for wear. The Green Ladies had come as Rambo this morning in green camouflage - with the only male deciding to wear a skirt, fishnet stockings and a blonde wig - all in green of course. We hit the road, heading for a town called Bitche, where we were promised that the British Boys Club had arranged for champagne and smoked salmon at the old fort there. Excellent news. We all headed the same way, but all seemed to peel off in different directions at some point. Must be how the satnavs are programmed. We found ourselves on a toll road, and at the end seemed to be in the queue to pay with about another four or five teams. One of the teams from Holiday Extras (The Chavs, with Ali G driving) had a loud PA system attached to their Subaru and amused all the people with their pre-recorded Chav chat. We got to the fort by passing through the most beautiful medieval village. It was so picturesque. We climbed up the hill, until we got to a huge car park that I must say, we took over. The champagne was coming in the camper van, and was a bit on the drag, so we went for a wander around the outside of the fort. Derek Jones, the MD of Kuoni, was doing an SAS jump and roll off a bridge - presumably for his challenge for the day. The champagne then turned up - nicely chilled - but I only partook in a very small glass. I was driving. Paul looked for his hat, and decided it had fell out of the car as it was missing again. He did ask me if I had thrown it away - as if I would! Never thought of that - should have done it years ago. He borrowed one from Dan Archer, the photographer. Always got a back up hat! We left there and set off for the Nurburgring - along the autobahns that have totally unrestricted speed limits. I bumped into Sarah Archer, one of the organisers, at a petrol station where she asked what speed I had got to on the autobahn. Never thought of giving it any welly, so when we set off again I thought I would. I got to 150 miles per hour before traffic held me up - how rude to be in the fast lane and only travel at 120! It was Sarah's birthday today, and our challenge was to get Sarah a present that cost the least money and was the most creative. Oh dear - creativity is not my strong point. We photographed Raquel on a few more modes of transport - tractor, lorry and fork lift truck on the way to the Nurburgring. As I said, creativity is not my strong point. We arrived at the Nurburgring and went straight to buy our ticket for the lap. I put the roof up - just in case we rolled over. Wanted to be safe not sorry. The track was absolutely buzzing. There were marshals lining people up just to get on to the ring, and we took our place. The card was read (to prove that we had paid) we went through a few cones and then we were on it. Wow. It was so exhilarating. To start with, nothing came past me. I think that was probably more to do with nobody coming on straight after me rather than me going too fast. Soon cars and bikes were whizzing past doing god knows how many miles per hour. I had my hazards on, and kept to the right hand side. I kept an eye in the rear view mirror, so if I saw two or three cars coming just as we were coming to a bend I let them pass. And pass they did - some even left as much as an inch or two between us! There were some really serious drivers with fireproof clothing and crash helmets. I had a t-shirt, cut offs and sandals. It was about 20km from start to finish, and took 18 minutes 8 seconds. Paul was taking pictures as we went, and also set the stopwatch. He didn't have too many kittens, or shout, or even get out so I couldn't have been too bad. When we came to the bit where all the spectators look over the ring, where there have some pretty bad accidents, we saw the film crew filming us. Not the fastest or the most elegant lap, but a lap nevertheless. We finished, and were shown off the track. We then met another couple of teams that were then going on - I challenged them to beat my time. Ha! No chance of me being anywhere near up the leaderboard with that time. We then saw the Green Ladies - completing another challenge. They had managed to get three lads (British) all with big motor bikes, to wear Travel Trade Crusade t-shirts over their leathers, and then put on a green mankini. They then all did a lap wearing them - the film crew shot it all. I bet there has never been anyone go round the ring looking like that before - and probably never will be again. We then (after a few turns up and down the road, as Paul had the map upsidedown) went to the viewing area to just watch from a distance. It was amazing to see how fast they actually travel. We saw the Holiday Extras Chav team going round - just before they broke down, and had to leave the car there to be scrapped. It was, apparently, the third lap that the car had gone round, with no chance to cool down inbetween laps. Something broke - not the PA system - that was still working perfectly! It was gone six o'clock, so we reluctantly left the ring and set off for the last leg of the journey to Koblenz. It was only just over half an hour, and a lovely early evening drive, still in the beautiful sunshine. Koblenz, what little we have seen of it, looks a beautiful little town. We all met and ate in the courtyard of a hotel by the river, where Sarah was presented with her presents. She took away with her a necklace of bratwurst sausage, an embroidered hat with her name and ttc13 on - and a pair of knickers with Travel Trade Crusade on. She was presented with a cake from the Green Ladies - together with a video of how they had got it - they "held up" a cake shop with their guns and "stole" the cake rambo style. So funny. I am sure most of this will be on the finished dvd. Time to retire ready for another action packed day tomorrow! Don't forget that we are doing this at our own expense for the EACH charity so please make a small donation at www.justgiving.com/travel-stop - every little helps!

Trave Trade Crusade 2013 - Day Two, Friday 11th July

Day Two - but officially Day One of the Rally At 8.30am the car park behind the Novotel Suites was buzzing. We had just left the hotel, where six boys and girls dressed in "Where's Wally" Red & White outfits were having breakfast. Every person in the breakfast room couldn't take their eyes off them - until the Green Ladies made an entrance in their pea outfits! They were green from head to toe! The cars and their teams were all preparing for the longest day of the rally today - some three hundred and fifty odd miles. There was an Aston Martin decked out as an American Policed Car, a Land Rover striped like a zebra with a rhino horn on the front and teams dressed up to match the car themes. After a photo shoot of everybody behind a huge Travel Trade Crusade banner, we all got to our cars to start. The film crew were filming everyone as they left the car park in convoy, led by Sarah. We all stayed in convoy until the film crew had not only filed everyone leaving (some needed a jump start, and one poor man on a Motoguzzi motor bike got an oil leak and had to head home) but then whizzed past us all on the motorway. Once that had all been done, Sarah had flashing lights on the top of her car, and we all then were on our own! The first part of the trip was easy but fairly monotonous. We headed off on the E40 to Dunkirk, and then on the E42 to Lille. We had been given our first task of the day - to find the Ariane 4 Rocket and have a picture taken with all your team. The other task was to make up your own challenge - the whackier the better! We also all had a booklet that had various "Brain Teasers" in, including pictures of tanks, buildings etc and we had to name where they were. Just to make sure no-one was cheating and staying on the motorway the whole time! We had googled the rocket, and found after some time I might add, that it was at the Euro Space Centre in Transinne, Belgium. We continued on the motorway to Mons, and then it was here that we came off the main roads. We first headed for a town called Beaumont, and then on to Philipeville. In the middle of a roundabout in Philipeville was an old aircraft - one of the pictures! Just then, a Eurofighter went overhead really low. Spooky. When we met up with Dev's Midnight Runners from Eurorail they reckoned they had arranged for a flypast. Ha!! We then arrived into a town called Dinant - what a beautiful town. We drove along the river there to the next town, Givet, and it was one of the most beautiful drives I think I have ever been on. And the sun is so hot! An excellent day to have a convertible. Except when Paul leant out of the car to take a picture and his hat blew off. Perfect - I never liked that hat. He grumbled a bit, and I did make a half hearted offer to go back, but we continued on....hatless! We then headed off to Wellin, and from here to the Eurospace Centre where we managed to get someone to take our photograph, as we both had to be in it. Well, all team members, and as we hadn't actually registered Raquel (the naked blow up doll - seems only right to give her a name!) we decided to leave her in the car. Might not be totally appropriate as there were lots of children about. Several more of the teams turned up when we were there, so it was probably me being thick rather than quite hard to find! We did find out that Raquel had made a diving save from the back seat and caught Paul's hat though - bugger! We briefly hit the motorway again, before going onto country roads to Bastogne - where we spotted a tank that was in the booklet. This gave Paul an idea for our challenge - let's see how many different modes of transport that we can photograph Raquel on. Too late for the tank, but eyes peeled for any others. We soon came across a JCB and a digger on the side of the road - unattended. We pulled over and the digger hadn't even been locked up, so Raquel sat in the drivers seat. The JCB was locked, so she just hung from the outside. After a few more miles we spotted a couple of Harley Davidsons in a layby. We pulled in and asked if we could take a picture of Raquel on their bike. Sounds a bit daft now - but they agreed. They pointed out the hot parts (could have been a very short rally for her if we had melted her bits!) and we took her picture. They seemed to think it was funny, because they then took some pictures of her and us! Mad dogs and Englishmen - they must have thought we were crazy. After a small detour - that might have thrown us - to get to Ettelbruck because of roadworks, we were then on the last leg to get to Metz. Should have been fairly straightforward, but it was nose to tail for around twenty miles. We finally arrived into Metz at 7pm - led straight there by Mrs TomTom, who had been spot on all day. What did we do before technology! What a fantastic old town Metz is - and how confusing the roads are. The road we wanted to go down had bollards, so we had to reverse and park in a big square. I walked to the hotel, and got directions to an underground car park where we could leave the car overnight. When we got to the hotel, I realised that we had both been in the full sun all day, with the roof down, and no sun cream on. Tomato faces! Never mind - I am sure they will have settled down a bit by tomorrow. Nothing else for it but a campari and beer - very well deserved after that long days drive.

Travel Trade Crusade 2013 - Day One, Thursday 10th July

The car had the magnetic signs fixed to the side, the blow up doll was blown up and safely in the back seat - Keevil's Independent Traders were ready to roll! The "Only Fools and Horses" Themed car, together with all three occupants, said goodbye to the daughter and the dog (both of whom seemed a bit embarrassed to be seen with a nude lady made of plastic)and set off for the first leg of the journey to Dover for the P&O ferry to Calais. A trouble free drive saw us in Dover spot on our checking in time - 11.35am for a 12.05pm ferry. The French Customs Officer gave us a sidewards look when we only produced two passports, but thought better of it than asking for a third. The French are quite open minded I think! The P&O check in lady told us we had a "sexy lady" in the back (perhaps she thought we hadn't noticed) and went into raptures of laughter. But then got quite serious and said the ferry was delayed for an hour and a half. Brightened her day though I think - she must have had some grumpy people blaming her for the delays that had been happening all morning. The time quickly went, and we were soon making our way onto the Pride Of Britain. We started the crossing in the Club Lounge with a lovely glass of champagne - thank you P&O for giving discounts on the crossing and giving a complimentary lounge pass for all of the Travel Trade Crusaders. The crossing was extremely calm, and we were off the other end in just over an hour. Must remember to drive on the right!! The short journey to the Novotel Suites in Calais was made simple with the help of the lovely lady from TomTom. No wrong turns, and Paul didn't shout at me once! Well perhaps once when my hand signal was just not good enough! We were one of the first teams to arrive - shortly after us came the Pussy Patrol, Barking Mad, Grand Priests, Formula Nuns and the Green Ladies (one of which is a man!). Pussy Patrol takes my vote as the best car so far! Can't wait to see all the other teams that are arriving during the evening - all ready for the off at 08.30am in the morning!